On last weekend’s episode of 90 Day Fiance: Before The 90 Days, Amanda and Razvan finally boned.
That’s great for them! They clearly enjoyed themselves. (All night)
But a huge fight soon followed, with Amanda comparing Razvan to her late husband — and finding him lacking.
Was she just trying to hurt him? Maybe. But there are some reasons for why she’s acting this way.
Amanda Wilhelm lost her husband, Jason, very suddenly. He went from being a healthy man in his forties to receiving a dire diagnosis to dying in a very short span of time.
Now a widow in her very early thirties and a single mother of two, Amanda is dating again.
Four months after Jason Wilhelm’s tragic death, Amanda found Razvan Ciocoi on social media. Eight months later, they’re meeting up in person. Their scenes from this season filmed in late 2022.
That is a very short amount of time for someone to lose a spouse, grieve alongside one’s children, and then find love again.
Also? This has not come up on the show, but Amanda (and her sister Amber) also lost another sister around the time of Jason’s death.
To top it all off, Amanda began filming a reality show. Long before it airs, that impacts your life in strange ways.
Then there is the matter of Amanda’s relationship history.
Beyond her arrest as a teenager, we don’t know much about Amanda’s past … except that she and Jason got together in her late teens.
He was considerably older, and until Razvan, she had not been with anyone else since then. In fact, we don’t know that she’s been with anyone else at all.
That’s why Amanda has been, at times, standoffish. And that’s why she was initially slow to warm up to Razvan — through sex or even just through their interactions.
There is another factor, one that might be a little sadder. One that also ties into their fight.
Amanda spent a dozen years of her life with one person. Her idea of how to communicate with a partner, what to expect from a partner … that’s all Jason.
Obviously, this factored into their fight. Amanda asked about Razvan’s work plans should he come over on a K-1 visa one day.
And Razvan’s answers were lacking. Amanda wanted assurances that she wouldn’t find herself supporting two kids and an aspiring entertainer.
Look, Razvan clearly does well for himself as an influencer. But sometimes (often — almost always, actually) aspiring actors and singers have to work other jobs before their big break.
To Amanda, it sounded like Razvan wasn’t ready to swallow his pride if necessary.
That was a red flag — on top of her concerns over his tourist visa application. And his long-held desire to live in the US, no matter what.
So, she compared him to Jason. That clearly struck at an insecurity for Razvan. He’s certainly heard a lot about her late husband. And, as he said, he clearly cannot win a contest with a dead man.
Finally, some viewers have pointed out that Amanda’s mannerisms and behavior seem immature or childish.
We would point out that she entered her only long-term adult relationship as a teen. Considering her late husband’s age, of course they cultivated a specific dynamic. People fall into habits unless they feel a pressure to change.
We might also argue that some of her decisions — being guarded about how much her kids know, being wary of his intentions — are more mature than people give her credit for. Amanda has rushed some things, but she hasn’t lost her mind.